To The One Who Broke My Heart
My Dearest, I hope you are well. It’s been a couple of days since you walked out my shitty Perkins door, and I know you...
Ratty Romance (And Other Dining Hall Dream Dates)
I had a dream that I got hit on at the Ratty salad bar. An at-night dream, an aspirational dream, both—who’s to say? The point...
I Was Sexy (and Then I Finished Reading)
I discovered my sensuality in the Ratty. No, this is not a joke. On a chilly Saturday morning, I sat down to breakfast in the...
Is Everyone Having Sex Without Me?
I have found that the idiom “the walls have ears” applies weirdly and surprisingly well to university life. Last year in my freshmen dorm, I...
Commitment Issues with Netflix
Dear Netflix, Hey, it’s me again. I know we haven’t seen each other in while, but I’ve been doing some thinking on my own. Our...
My iPhone and I took a break, and now our relationship is stronger than ever.
A few months ago, my iPhone and I were going through a rough patch. Whenever I was waiting in line or riding in the car...
Secondhand Embarrassment: Creative Coping
As someone burdened with the curse of secondhand embarrassment, I feel awkward and uncomfortable on others’ behalf more often than not. This can interfere with...
My Best Friend, Mac DeMarco
The lineup for Brown’s Spring Weekend has been released. People are understandably freaking out about Fetty Wap, Tinashe, and Mac DeMarco. Oh, Mac. Everyone who I...
Erotic Fridge Poetry
My roommate and her boyfriend recently acquired one of those sets of words on magnets. It’s usually used for fridge poetry, but in this case...
Rib Beef: Babies vs. Old People
(in collaboration with Nicole Martinez) A carefree, tinkling giggle. The dampened whinny of a nose being blown into a monogrammed cotton handkerchief. These are the...