I walked down Thayer street today for the first time in a while and I regret to inform you guys that there’s now a flasher who hangs out by the CVS. I am, however, delighted to inform you that he asks for consent!
In today’s day and age with all these gross, stupid, ugly, red-pilled men, it is quite refreshing. I walked by him earlier today, on my way to buy one (1!!) singular mascara at CVS for $30 (unreal), and he stopped me on the sidewalk in front of Urban Outfitters. I was pretty scared at first, until he politely asked, “Excuse me, Miss. Would you like to see my penis?”
Miss??? He called me Miss!? I mean, I almost said yes. Talk about manners!
But, I said “No thank you” and he replied “Okay,” politely stepped aside, and told me to have a nice day. I watched Woke Flasher ask the same question to a few more groups of girls, keeping his trench coat tied tightly the whole time. Never once did he nonconsensually flash his penis.
I am not sure where Woke Flasher learned the concept of consent, considering he is still a real life flasher in a timeline where Snapchat exists, but I acknowledge there could be a divergent timeline where he approached an alternative form of Woke. Perhaps, in this parallel universe, Woke Flasher’s Wokeness appears less as asking for consent but rather “no full frontal nudity is illegal on stolen land.” That would not be ideal. I quite appreciate his emphasis on consent.
I pondered this as I left CVS, and eventually walked by him again on the way to my SHAG meeting. I stopped and asked him why he kept asking for consent. NOT COMPLAINING, I support culture of consent!! But I was wondering, doesn’t asking for consent defeat the whole purpose of being a flasher?
He replied, “Honestly, consent builds trust and connection. It makes everyone feel safe and heard. I would never want to pressure anyone into anything they aren’t into. Plus, the girls dig it. I get much better responses when they know I respect them and we are in this together.”
And yes, I was impressed with Woke Flasher’s communication skills and respect for boundaries. And maybe I did say yes… He’s really kind of cute if you get to know him…