In recognition of Valentine’s day, I am here to remind us all of one of the shortcomings of straight male emotional processing: past a certain threshold of emotion towards a woman, all the emotions blend into one, and all he is able to say is, “I love you.”
Men, just because it’s Valentine’s day doesn’t mean you need to say, “I love you.” You can also just say, “I appreciate you as a friend,” or even, “I have a lot of fun when we are together.” Just because your marriage pact didn’t live up to your wildest dreams, doesn’t mean that girl you are friends with is the love of your life. And especially, I cannot stress this enough, just because your female friend is nice to you, doesn’t mean she loves you. She’s just not that into you. If she was… maybe you wouldn’t be her friend.
You see, what many men fail to realize is that there are more emotions than those showcased in Inside Out. You can actually have more than 5 monochromatic cartoon characters in your head! Many women do, so maybe try to listen to them. I know that might be hard, but I implore you to try. There is nothing worse than a close male friend (FRIEND!!!!!) confessing his “love” and ruining your friendship just because you said you liked his haircut.
So, men, don’t be the boy who cried love when you instead might be experiencing a multitude of other emotions/phenomena. These may include, but are not limited to:
- Lust
- Admiration
- Missing your mom #freud
- Sexual chemistry
- Never experienced the depth of female friendship before
- Delusion/confusion
- She gave you a compliment
- Stability
- 5 PM sunset
- All your friends are in relationships
- Mild boredom
- She is nice and also, did you see she has boobs!?
- Indigestion
- The desire to be held
- Possessiveness
- Drunkenness
- She smells good
- You live in a grad center single
None of this is to say that straight men cannot experience love. I’m pretty sure they can. I am just here to remind you that you can experience emotions other than love — lots of them (I think). So this Valentine’s day, reflect for a moment before you say the L word. And maybe practice using “I feel…” statements.