An extremely horny Brown student cries out in distress after realizing he’s missed the Naked Donut Run.
“What?? What do you mean it happened the other night? Why was it on a Monday!?” he exclaimed, dreams of a sweet treat in conjunction with spank bank material shattered until next semester. He’s done everything right— he’s posted “Yo, does anyone know what the time and day the NDR is?” on Sidechat every day for the past week, despite being downvoted to hell each and every time. He has stared longingly at the B.U.N.S website, consistently hoping with all his might that the force of his stare would reveal a new heading on the FAQ page, which would simply read “Click here to know when we get naked!!!!” He’s ran the numbers, he’s analyzed the trends; the NDR is totally supposed to be at the end of the week. He had his overnight bag packed and ready to stay in the SciLi 24/7 from Wednesday to Friday. There should’ve been no way for him to miss it, and yet, here he is, hungry and horny.
What is he gonna do now? Watch porn like a regular person? Buy a donut himself? Not sexualize the runners and respect their autonomy instead? No, this can’t be. He can’t hold out until the next reading period— that’s a whole half a year away, and his blue balls reached critical status around two months ago!
For his sake and ours, all we can hope is that he gets laid soon, or that he can at least make it until Sex Power God.