Since we’re all overachievers here, you’ve probably noticed the influx of UCS emails trying to get applications for so-called “university committees.” Intricate kafkaesque layers of bureaucracy have always interested us at the Rib, so we thought of some committees of our own! SLORP, SIGMA, and BUTT are the newest campus initiatives joining the long list of existing committees bringing together faculty, staff, community members, and students into an alphabet soup of trying to appease as many people as possible while not actually doing anything.
SLORP, the Special Logistical Operation Regarding Problems, will focus on the topics creating a divisive campus climate, such as veganism. Brown students of all religious and ethnic backgrounds totally agree on the role of elite American educational institutions in perpetuating geopolitical conflict, so the only thing the committee really needs to think about is how to get the vegans to stop talking about “humilk” outside the Ratty. SLORP has plans to conduct a campus climate survey to further understand the tensions between meat-eating normies and vegan freaks. No other campus climate survey will be conducted (because there isn’t any other issue that students disagree on).
The next committee is the Society Is Gendered, Maybe? Advisory (Board), SIGMA. The bylaws of SIGMA stipulate that while the committee can debate the definitions of “male” and “female” under NCAA and Title IX regulations, they can’t actually reach any conclusions. We are excited to announce that a Brown University committee will finally be the one to figure out what a woman is––take that, Charlie Kirk! We reached out to Ari Gabinet about chairing the SIGMA committee, but he hasn’t responded yet 🙁
Our third and final committee is BUTT, Brown University is Totally Terrific. BUTT will allow members of the Brown community to co-create a discursive space to explore how awesome Brown is in every way. BUTT will be an inclusive environment to unequivocally support all of Brown’s policies and practices. Committee facilitation will prioritize the voices of an oft-overlooked portion of the student body: those in favour of the Brown administration. Anyone interested in joining BUTT will have to submit a 5,000 word essay outlining how Brown is a flawless institution committed to the promotion of student voices and the propagation of the beacon of perfection that is the open curriculum.
If you are interested in being a student representative on any of these committees, please fill out the form below.