Brown University has always been known as the ‘weird’ Ivy, but I didn’t know we were known as the school of “freaky-ahh” sexually repressed incels. Its reputation is undeniable, and quite frankly, indisputable, especially with some of the shit you have been writing.
Your midterm was called Reimagining the Fluidity of the Human Body? Oh, and you wrote about your love of piss? You want to start an advocacy group called Piss Lovers Anonymous? Perfect. You aren’t helping us get a better rep, dude. I am manifesting that you end up having a urinary tract infection.
Like, girl, what do you mean for your comparative literature class you compared an erect penis to a SpaceX rocket, with an analytical approach to how it penetrates space? Erm, okay, that seems…interesting, I guess. You are the epitome of intellectualism. Come to find out, Freud’s reincarnation attends Brown!
Your most recent essay, “How Far Can You Squirt? Hahaha” would have gotten you kicked out of literally any other institution, but for some reason your professor found it stimulating. You know what, he’s a freak too. We should bring back shame, even though you apparently feel none, ever. What happened to the separation between our personal and professional lives? I guess anything goes these days.
Still, I suppose with graduation right around the corner for some, including you (THANK GOD), I will unfortunately be hearing about whatever horrific thing your brain can conjure up for your senior thesis. May I suggest a few? “13 Reasons Why I, as a want-to-be Alpha Male, Contribute to the Male Loneliness Epidemic.” Oh, what about “The Dwellings of My Mind, Pre-Therapy versus Post-Therapy?” I fear whatever you actually end up creating might inspire the next generation of Brown University “piss fanatics” or foot lovers, but only time will tell.