Sophia Plaschke
Editor
Sophia enjoys lurking in the shadows, haunting nightmares, and whispering into the night. When she’s not busy preying on the innocent, she likes playing board games with her friends, taking scenic drives in the countryside, and curling up with a good book.
Morgan Anderson
Editor
Morgan has spent her life contributing to the financial success of the Dr Pepper Snapple Group and narrowly avoiding kidney stones in the process. Doctors hate to see her coming (except, of course, Dr Pepper).
Indigo Mudbhary
Staff Writer
When people find out that Indigo is an only child, they always say, “That makes sense!” She’s like pizza at the Ratty— not terrible, but definitely not great! And she’s okay with that!
Lily Coffman
Staff Writer
Lily’s favorite show is Riverdale, she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue, and she falls asleep watching Cosmopolitan videos on the Snapchat explore section. Also, she’s from Waco, Texas and she won’t shut up about it.
Gianna Rocchio
Staff Writer
Gianna has a peanut allergy and has been religiously wearing her retainers ever since she had a nightmare about her teeth looking like SpongeBob’s. She has yet to be diagnosed with anxiety. Her Venmo is @giannarocchio and she thinks generous people rock!
Reese Mischen
Staff Writer
Reese enjoys reading, traveling, playing tennis, and systematically analyzing trash television. Arguing with people online has become her newest vice, so be careful out there.
Nyjáh Harrison
Staff Writer
Nyjáh is a highly skilled Youtube watcher, Twitter peruser, and humanities concentrator cosplayer, with a special talent in making obscure Spongebob references as a response to every event. What do you mean you aren’t familiar with the classic that is Season 5, Episode 19 “SpongeHenge”?? Don’t worry, she’s got a clip from it somewhere and once she shows you you’ll understand the true genius of her totally esoteric pattern recognition skills…
Evelyn Harris
Cartoonist
The New Yorker has rejected Evelyn’s cartoons 75 times, but her talents in pet portraiture, theatrical props, and public art are acclaimed across Wellesley, Massachusetts and all corresponding Facebook groups for suburban moms with goldendoodles.
Sofía Tejedor
Staff Writer
Cripplingly indecisive former gifted student Sofía enjoys staring off blankly into the distance and reciting the first half of the Gettysburg Address to people despite their protests. You can find her trying really hard to and ultimately failing to speak Spanish with her dad, breaking out in hives from petting her dog or watching AI reddit stories on YouTube shorts.
Anya Kaladeen
Editor
Anya’s favourite pastimes include spontaneously breaking into foreign accents, making you guess her concentration, and acting like a pretentious, sexually repressed teenage boy (she would fight to the death for the Oxford comma). She has also been compared to a donkey on several (completely unrelated) occasions throughout her life. Make of that what you will.
Emily Farmer
Social Media Editor
Emily is so cool and sexy. Hahaha stop, you are too sweet. She has eaten a beaver before (Don’t ask her about it, it was lowkey traumatic). She enjoys long hours of hiding underneath the ratty pasta station, feasting on stray noodles.
Olivia Taylor
Staff Writer
When Olivia isn’t pretending she can sing/act/eat garlic without feeling her tongue erupt into flames, you can find her struggling through chapters of vocabulary for CHIN0913 even though she knows she’ll never be fluent.
Emerson Rhodes
Staff Writer
Emerson watches car crash compilations to fall asleep ever since she was told that by someone she thought was cool and has been using it as a fun fact ever since. A populist at heart, Emerson can be found conforming and listening for more fun facts to steal.
Talia Udelman
Staff Writer
Talia isn’t like other girls, she’s been convicted for embezzlement (not really…unless). When not in prison, she can be found watching musicals and reading. She can be your manic pixie dream girl, but only if you know a lawyer.
Carys Edwards
Staff Writer
Carys writes diss tracks and boldly performs them directly to the recipient’s face. She identifies as a finger—a fake ginger—and proudly calls herself vegan, meaning she’ll eat absolutely anything… except steak, that’s just a little too rare.
Zora Penn
Staff Writer
Zora is from Brooklyn and seriously loves “the city.” She enjoys spending time with friends and takes great pleasure when people laugh the hardest at her jokes. She is also a pescatarian.
Camilla Rodriguez
Staff Writer
Camilla never learned how to ride a bike, and resents this fact to this very day. In lieu of peddling, she enjoys accent work, playing the Sims 3, and Mexican hot sauce.
Lena Harms
Staff Writer
Lena is constantly trying to regain the power she felt when her fanpage for her physics teacher went locally viral. She loves making trashy Capcut edits of her friends, Italian brainrot, and adding exclamation points to emails. Her fursona is a cat.