The Best Kind of Spring Cleaning

April 19, 2014


To quote Disclosure, “when a fire starts to burn, (right), and it starts to spread she gonna bring that attitude home don’t wanna do nothing, with their life.” I’m not entirely sure what that half of that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s the reason why everyone I know has gone through a break-up this spring. Recently having gone through a break-up myself (read: dumped), I was surprised to find that I was not alone—within the same week, I had three close friends go through break-ups, and by the next week that number almost tripled.  It was no longer just me and Ben Folds—I was in excellent company.

According to this Business Insider article from 2010, the two most common times to break up are two-weeks before Christmas and just before spring break. While this chart doesn’t show how many of the females were wearing cat sweaters at the time of the break-up (still a party of one on that count), it shows some cool trends like spikes on Mondays and ridiculous lows on Christmas Day. Well, there you have it. We are far from unique, just some twenty-something-year-olds trying to do some spring cleaning and find our way.

But you guys, this is the best kind of spring cleaning. Being newly single (and being a part of a mass-breakup statistic) is pretty cool. There is no better time to throw away your stale, winter garbage and prepare yourself for the beautiful weather that is about to be in full swing (note: if you live somewhere warm, disregard what I am saying and stop reading now). Not only does the newfound warmth make you want to shave your legs, but it makes shaving your legs fun—this is the peak season of hedonism so prepare yourself for all of the beautiful things you can do solo: spring break, spring concerts, day drinking, going out without a jacket, reading outdoors, lying in the grass, and daydreaming. I’m only just getting started. What better time is there to do you or to enjoy doing you with every other member of this absurd statistic?! Idk. Also what’s better than the world of badass single ladies theme songs reopening for you? Nothing.

Additionally, now is the time where the world has decided to come out and play. Our campus is 100x more attractive and so are its students with this spring fever that has infected everybody (that and the incurable hangover that has lingered on campus since Spring Week, Brown’s ultimate week of debauchery).  No wonder we were ranked to be the smartest and sexiest college in the country. But anyway, enjoy this weird phenomenon and feel empowered when you go out and say, “go home, Roger”…or fuck it and go home with Roger.

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