This is going to be the best Halloween ever. You’ve had your costume planned for at least a month. The idea came to you suddenly, miraculously, as you were eating cereal in the Ratty. It’s a play on the most fun and ridiculous pop culture sensation of the year, it’s light-hearted and culturally engaged and just so relevant. Since you’ve had it planned for so long you’ve spent hours perfecting it and you know for sure that your execution is flawless. You’re going to want to remember this one when you’re old and gray and have no idea what it’s like to be up to date on pop culture, so you’ve already planned your poses for the pre-party pictures and the Instagram captions for when you post them.
Fast forward to Halloween night. You excitedly put on the costume and go to the pre-game, where you take all the pictures you had planned. Your group heads outside and starts walking to the party, when suddenly you see them. That person, way over there…are they wearing the same costume as you?? They’re in another big group that’s headed the same direction, and you only glimpsed them for a second before someone got in the way. You calm down and brush it off, convinced that you had just imagined it. But when you open the door to the party, your heart drops. Every third person looks identical to you. You realize with a crushing sense of shame that you’re one of those people—you’re the 2009 RIP Michael Jackson, the 2010 meat dress Lady Gaga, the 2013 foam finger Miley. You run to the bathroom where you try to throw together a new costume from remnants of the first, but you’re losing hope fast. You start wrapping yourself in toilet paper but there’s not enough to cover you and the paper keeps ripping. You furiously delete all the pictures you took and the note where you wrote down your Insta caption ideas. Slowly you start to calm down as you realize that you don’t have to go back out there. You can just stay locked in the bathroom until Halloween is over. But then, suddenly, terror seizes you—today is only Friday, Halloween is tomorrow!
If this sounds like you or someone you know, please call 1-800-U-KNOW-WHO-U-R immediately. You may still have time to be something other than Donald Trump or Left Shark this Halloween.
Image via.