Warning: Spoiler Alerts (don’t read if you don’t want to find out that Jade posed nude for Playboy. Sorry! Please don’t hurt me! I didn’t give away that much!)
I never thought I would be one of “those people”; one of those people who would dedicate two hours of Monday night invested in the romantic endeavors of some random, yet insanely attractive man from I Can’t Even Remember, U.S.A.
I am a feminist! I went to an all-girls school. I write for a female comedy blog. How can women willingly sign up for a show to try to win the affection of one man? This man must have a pretty big ego now that all these women are fawning over him.
And women, how can you demean yourselves and strut around scantily clad, for all of America to see, so you can get the bachelor’s attention? You are all gorgeous. I am sure attracting men is not a problem for you. Do you just want to be on TV? Try Wheel of Fortune. You all would be great at that! Do you not realize this man is telling you that your connection is “really palpable” during the group date and then goes at it with one of the hundred of Ashley’s on the show during the cocktail party? No one is making you do this!
This season, I had to see for myself what the fuss over the show was. I assumed I would make fun of it the whole time (especially the girl who is a self-proclaimed “Sport Fishing Enthusiast”).
Let’s just say that things have changed: you can’t disturb me from 8-10pm on Monday nights from now until the end of the season. I am obsessed with the Bachelor and not because I’m laughing at the ridiculousness of the show. I need to see if Chris actually finds his true love. We’re talking about dedication here people!
I just finished watching hometowns week and we are now down to the final three. Jade so had to go. She could never open up to Chris. I’m sensing she needs more time to mature. She’s young. She has the time. And Britt can suck it! She wouldn’t last a day in Iowa. She’s too insincere for the farm life. Chris, wise decisions my man.
The final three girls are my favorite:
Whitney: How adorable is she? I’m not going to admit that I play favorites, but she is just so sweet and genuine. And when she told Chris that hometowns for her would be different since doesn’t have any parents, how could your heart not break? And then, when she wanted to share the expensive wine that she got in Napa and once promised herself she would drink with her husband, MASCARA ALERT. Clear winner right there.
Kaitlyn: So feisty and fierce. Tell me she doesn’t look like Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster)? And if you close your eyes when she laughs, you’re not sure whether you’re listening to a mouse gasping for air or an actual human. Plus she’s Canadian, which makes her automatically 20 times nicer. She is so nice it makes your stomach hurt. But just a little.
Becca: Ugh. She just lights up my world. And she’s waiting for her one special guy to do the dirty deed! I can’t wait for the honeymoon suite! Becca, I support you in all your decisions!
I am a proud convert. The Bachelor has proven me wrong. No wonder the show is on its 19th season. But Chris, here are my words of advice to you: Choose wisely. Iowa is lonely and you have been looking for a wife for too long. Don’t fuck up.
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Spot on, Allie, as I am also a devoted fan. good read!