by Emily Adams
The stately turkey is a bird of elegance, a bird of being, truly the pinnacle of health and fitness. Follow in its footsteps to get the body of your dreams after this Thanksgiving holiday.
What you may need: tbsp. sage, dash of salt, half an onion, 2 lemons, tsp. salt, bag of Stouffers stuffing
How to:
From now to December 7th, preform the below routine to unveil the sensational seasonal, mouthwatering body you have always desired.
Monday –2 rounds of ten turkey squats, 10 turkey sprints, 4 rounds of turkey pushups, 1 minute of turkey planking, repeat 3x, turkey, turkey, turkey
Tuesday – rest your over-worked body with a recovery nap, upon awakening, eat three small meals of berries, seeds, twigs, rolly polies, etc., identify medium sized group of like-minded people, wander sidewalks endlessly
Wednesday – continue mindless wandering, this time challenge oncoming traffic in the height of rush hour, then proceed to woodland area for incessant pacing while gobbling
Thursday – meander grassy hillside for duration of the sunlit day, stalk local cattle, fluff feathers, cluck on the hour, every hour
Friday –retreat to the forest, claim a region of said forest as your own, find a mate, construct nest, refrain from using own feathers in the building process, lay eggs
Saturday – nest for the day, warm eggs with own body heat, watch them hatch and grow into young chicks, protect hatchlings from threats (i.e. mountain lions, mountain men, squirrels), watch them hatch and grow into young chicklets
Sunday – emerge from nature, a new bird, refreshed, re-feathered and ready for the silver platter
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