A few short weeks ago, I gracefully slammed my head into a cabinet and incurred a mild concussion. The consequences of this action included a continuous headache and being placed on “cognitive rest.” That is, sitting alone in my dark dorm room doing absolutely nothing. No class, no work, no technology, no doing anything that needed to get done. At this point, having (debatably) regained critical thinking, I am able to look at the smoking ruins of my responsibilities with a sense of peace. And so I present to you, Annie’s Declassified Guide to Inner Peace:
The first step of this master plan is relinquishing control. Releasing control of your life is as easy to succumbing to your own crippling lack of motivation and the sweet seduction of the six seasons of Criminal Minds available on Netflix. Allow your obligations to overwhelm you.
Next, watch things spiral rapidly out of control. Let the waves of panic wash over you. This is the acceptance phase of the plan. Throw out all that kale, you’re not going to do a cleanse. Accept that your staple foods are dining hall cereal and ice cream.
Finally, reorganize your priorities. Lots of successful people drop out of college; Bill Gates dropped out of college and just look at that guy now. In fact, lots of successful people only eat cereal and watch Criminal Minds. Like…um…Mark Zuckerberg? Anyways, I hear the tech industry is big on outside-the-box-outside-the-system types. You know, the kind of people who’ve found inner peace. So, move to California! On second thought, buy some more kale; do a cleanse. In fact, I hear they’re big in California.
When you make it big through a West Coast startup they’ll ask how you achieved bliss. Tell them your guru was a 19-year-old girl with a head injury.
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