On "The Hill"

The Real Ratty Problem

February 15, 2017

Students have been vocal about the recent changes made to the Ratty.  Through discussions with friends, the general consensus seems to be that the renovations have opened up the space more, but the locations of certain food items, such as peanut butter and soy milk, are inconvenient. Many have voiced disapproval of the blue paint as well. I agree that these alterations may take some getting used to. However, there’s one thing about the Ratty that I can always count on, one thing that hasn’t changed. My arms are still too short to reach the third row of food at the salad bar.

The other night, I was innocently trying to get some cannellini beans to top off my dindin. Cannellini beans are delicious, creamy, kidney-shaped beans, the perfect addition to any meal. I arrived at the salad bar to see that they were located in the third row of the salad bar, the row of food trays furthest from the ‘access point’ of the salad bar. In addition, the spoon for the cannellini bean food tray was in the far right corner of the tray, as far away from me as possible.

Cannellini beany beany, yummy yummy in my tummy.

Instead of, I don’t know, asking a BUDS worker to pass me the spoon, I did what any rational person would do. I lunged down real low, stretched my arm out as far as I could, just barely reached the spoon, and nearly decapitated myself on the plastic sheet that prevents people from coughing/sneezing/breathing on the food. It was painful. I definitely looked like an idiot. But, I got my beans and walked away proudly.

There are numerous solutions to this problem.

  1. Get rid of the plastic decapitation sheet! People are gross anyway. If they have germs, they’ll get on the food no matter what.
  2. Put all the trays side by side horizontally, eliminating the third row completely.
  3. Invest in the taffy puller from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so everyone can have long arms.
  4. Get spoons with longer handles! Check out this one: for the low low price of $49.95, you can have a 45″ stainless steel spoon! (Is this a euphemism?) The description even says, “Giant Spoon, huge, enormous, yes it is that big!”



I doubt these changes will be put into effect anytime soon. Let’s be real, it took them an entire winter break to paint some of the walls blue. The tables are still incredibly sticky, a good amount of the chairs are broken, and the cubed avocado is completely tasteless. So, Brown community, I implore you. If you see someone at the salad bar looking longingly at the cannellini beans, or anything else in the third row, please help them out.

Images via, via, and via.

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