No Fighting Allowed

I’ve learned a lot from my six month stint in the world of mixed martial arts (MMA). It’s been an experience unlike any other. My whole life, I’ve been the quirky nerd that can’t do a pull up or even unscrew a salsa jar by myself. However, MMA has always been a world of its own; and, unfortunately, Ronda Rousey is really ruining this good thing I’ve got going for myself. Now, one of my favorite parts of doing MMA is how people react to it.

(Dialogue may or may not be exaggerated.)

 

The “Be Like Ronda. Please.”

“I like to do MMA. It’s a fun way to work out, when I don’t feel like going to the gym.”

“Wait so you like get to punch people in the face!?! That’s super cool. You must be a badass. You’re essentially the next Ronda Rousey, right?”

“Yeah I guess so. There’s also kickboxing and jiu jitsu, but they’re all totally safe.”

“So you’re like saying that you could kick this muffin off my head without messing up my blowout,” says some random friend who’s like 6’11”.

“No, not really.”

“PLEASE JUST SHOW ME. PLEASE. PLEASE. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOOD AT THIS MMA THING.”

Sigh.

If you say you do MMA, you’re suddenly expected to punch someone really hard or to irrationally kick some completely random item with precision. Unfortunately for you, I like my shin a lot, so I’m not going to roundhouse kick a steel beam for you. It’s like being asked to demonstrate your golf swing or your football throw in your closet-sized dorm room without warming up or equipment. When people find out that you do MMA regardless of size or experience level, you better be Chuck Norris or Jackie Chan, otherwise why even bother?

 

The “Oh, You Wanna Fight?”

“Since you fight all the time, I bet you think that you could totally take me out.”

“Nah…I’m good,” I say as cautiously as any twiggy 5’7” girl who would break all the bones in her hand if she tried to punch someone without a boxing glove would.

“It’s okay. I can take it. You must think I’m weak sauce, but I’m super strong and tough and cool.”

I’ve never seen people more excited to get punched in the face or flipped on their backs than when I say I do MMA. It’s like, I’m not sure if people who want to experience bodily harm just gravitate to me for some reason, but it honestly kind of weirds me out. The alternative to people wanting to fight you is people being scared of you. They look me over as if I’m going to bust out a triangle choke in the middle of our conversation about which dining hall is better.

 

The “Wow, You’re Intense.”

“I do find that MMA is a productive way to let out stress.”

“So, you take out your life problems on other people? That sounds unhealthy.”

“No, it’s not like that. It’s just like a runner’s high.”

“What are you even talking about? You take drugs when you exercise? Someone seems to enjoy their ‘roid rage.”

“No, I mean endorphins. Who hasn’t heard of a runner’s high?”

“Endorphins? Is that the new thing for you people now? Keep your delinquent ways far away from me.”

 

I guess I just revel in the idea that anyone might think I’m something other than the bleeding-heart peace-loving pacifist that I am.

Anyway, I recommend that everyone give MMA try, if not for yourself, for the rare chance to make your social interactions more perplexing for everyone involved. At least you’ll be like Ronda.

Image via Annie Warner.

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