Over winter break I set sail on a maiden voyage that changed my life as I knew it.
I went to my first real bra fitting.
I know what you’re probably thinking – “Dude, you’re 19 years old and you’ve never been to a bra fitting before?” I answer your question with the truth – yes – and an explanation. When I was in grade school I was the absolute last girl to get her period – at the age of 14 and a half years old. I spent my whole life until that point obsessing about it, wondering when it was going to come, and looking at my reflection praying for boobs. After Mother Nature finally paid me a visit, I was more than thrilled at the prospect of the boobs that were awaiting me. It took them a while (until 11th grade, or so, sadly enough) but they finally pulled through for me.
Now, I have a great relationship with my boobs. Sometimes I look down and I’m like “Whoa! Where did those come from?” I finally made it, man. I’m a lady and I have the yams to prove it.
But not all women feel this way about their lady humps. Naturally, my brand new cup size and really nice new bra (from my fancy, yet weird fitting) prompted a lot of thought about my chest and a lot of dialogue with the ladies I know and love (including my mother). In the name of investigative journalism, I kept a few notes on what was said. Here are a few highlights:
“I really don’t care. Why are you asking me about them?”
“One of my nipples is bigger than the other which I strongly dislike.”
“It’s like asking me what I think of the millions of dollars I don’t have.” (Take that as you will.)
“I like them. They’re proportionate. I like to dress them up in black lace [especially since bras are such a necessary evil]. Don’t really like to pitch a tent with my shirt, you know?”
“I just pierced my nipple and it didn’t hurt at all!”
“I would be kind of nice to be able to run without two sports bras on.”
“I love my boobs. I have awesome nipples. And they’re small enough so that I don’t always have to wear a bra. Actually, I rarely wear a bra. It’s awesome.”
“My boobs are small so I’m really aerodynamic.” Which really comes in handy for, you know, sports and stuff?
“My tits are always cramping my style. Can a girl with big boobs wear a loose blouse without looking like she’s wearing a garbage bag? Nope.”
“I love my boobs. When I’m tired I can shelve them on a tabletop and when I’m cold they’re always so warm. Sometimes I just sit with my hands on them.”
“Overall, I love them because they’re a special womanly part of me, but sometimes I really wish I didn’t need a bra/could walk around topless.” Don’t we all?
“Too small :(“
“I never really felt like my boobs belonged on my body. Like, who are you and where did you come from?”
“God, diving into pools is a nightmare.”
So what do we take away from this, ladies and gentlemen? Boobs rock. Big boobs are a pain. And no girl ever enjoys wearing a bra for more than an absolutely necessary amount of time.
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