Love & Romance, Satire

We Know What Kind of Rich People Sex You Have Based on Your Canada Goose Jacket

February 17, 2017

Don’t ask how; we just ~know~

PBI Chilliwack Bomber:

Uninspired cowgirl after he’s had a long day out on the yacht.

Chelsea Parka: 

Some spontaneous doggy style while the maid looks after the kids.

Expedition Parka:

Quasi-outdoor sex after a long night in front of your Brookstone electric fire pit.

Heatherton Parka: 

Half-assed spooning after the wine tasting failed to reignite the spark.

Langford Parka:

Shower sex chock-full of cussing when the shampoo bottle falls on your little toe.

Shelburne Parka:

Hot and heavy against the wall where you’re thinking about some exposed brick.

Maitland Parka:

Post-polo anal that will never happen again.

Kensington Parka Fusion Fit:

A joyous romp before the matinee.

Chateau Parka:

Missionary with the lights off to avoid looking at the haunting painting of a pointy-breasted lady you won at an auction.

Rowan Parka: 

Raw doggin it in the back of the Lexus after slapping on the third “My child is an honors student at Sparrow Meadow Academy” bumper sticker.

Banff Parka: 

Giving oral in a lake house with a vast array of wall-mounted animal heads that will look upon this deed with neither approval nor damnation.

Victoria Parka:

In a closet at the country club during your old friend Sylvia’s charity gala.

Burnett Jacket:

Some conciliatory hand stuff when your bonus was only 10% more than last year.

Trillium Parka:

Receiving oral in a lake house while trying not to think about the dead-eyed stares of the wall-mounted animal heads and their collective air of chilling dispassion.

Selkirk Parka:

A quick bonk after you’ve made that reservation for 7:30 pm.


Did we get it right? Let us know in the comments!

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