It's a Girl Thing, Life & Other Drugs

Facing My Fears: Tentacle Porn Edition

February 12, 2018

I have three main fears in this life:

1) I will tell someone I love them and then they’ll laugh in my face.

2) The fact that my skin is ALWAYS growing and that if my skin cells didn’t periodically fall off, they would just build up until they surrounded and subsequently suffocated me.

3) Tentacle porn.

This list breaks down pretty easily. The first reflects a deeper fear of rejection and of my inherent worthlessness. (Haha just kidding…. I know how to have fun. I’ve seen Glee.) The second reflects… something. I’ll get back to you on this one, but in general it’s just a reflection of the specific way my OCD chose to manifest itself (SO. MUCH. FUN.)

The third is where it gets interesting. Basically, it’s a reflection of my fear of the unknown.

I can’t recall the first moment I came across the term “tentacle porn”, but I’m assuming it was somewhere on Twitter or (ugh I can’t believe I’m publicly admitting to using this website) tumblr. But even though I definitely have heard the term, I still am entirely unsure as to its definition/significance/meaning/whatever/you get my point and its function within the already existing realm of porn. It’s this exact uncertainty– nay, this MYSTERY– that speaks to me– calls to me, even. But, unfortunately, my deep desire to know what tentacle porn looks like is at constant odds with my deep fear of ever having to actually watch tentacle porn.

In an attempt to become a Real Official Serious Adult, I’ve begun to confront my fears. So far I’ve:

  1. Listened to three Black Eyed Peas songs that I closely associated with my cringey middle school days.
  2. Watched 1 romantic movie without pausing it even once due to severe second hand embarrassment. Don’t worry, I definitely still felt it.
  3. Watched the Kylie Jenner pregnancy video in its entirety despite the pressing fact that pregnancy TERRIFIES me and that, also, I find Kylie Jenner’s entire persona to be slightly disturbing.
  4. Ate one vegetable a day. (Only for a week. But still. An accomplishment.)

You get the gist. I’m facing my fears and the next one up on the list… watching tentacle porn.

As I write these words in this exact moment, I am still a tentacle porn virgin. My eyes remain unsullied. And my mind, untarnished. However, in a few short moments I will be a tentacle porn virgin no more. For I, a sole crusader against the foggy unknown, shall soon bear witness to the intricate mysteries of pornography of the tentacle variety. Thus, with one click of my mouse, in the middle of Barus and Holley no less, I take one small step for womxn. One giant leap for womxnkind.

*Insert the 4 minutes it took me to watch the tentacle porn*

Okay…. So…… That just happened.

I realized that no words could accurately describe my experience so I made a video. But, before I present you with that, I will leave you with these words. Sometimes you don’t know something. And, sometimes, that’s okay. Sometimes, it was unknown because it should’ve stayed unknown. Forever. And I mean FOREVER.

I hope you enjoy:

 

Image via Sarah Clapp.

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