A Traveler’s Log of A First-Time Bus Ride

October 9, 2015

15:10

I stand today with great anticipation for the journey ahead. New hope, new dreams, and a new life await me in the far off land of New York. I know the coming voyage will propose unforeseen obstacles, but my travelers and I shall grow ever stronger through these challenges. I will venture onto this Peter Pan bus with a great sense of optimism.

15:15

There are not enough seats on the bus. With a shake of his head, the driver promptly closes the door in our innocent faces. This loss would nearly consume me if it weren’t for my prevailing aforementioned optimism.

15:20

A new bus has arrived; a reward for our steadfastness. The mix of familiar faces puts my soul at ease. I am with friends.

15:21

The driver mentions the “clean bathroom” smells like cinnamon. I’ll have to test that out later.

15:45

I’ve exhausted all topics of conversation with my neighbor. He has two sisters and hails from Portland. This is the full extent of my ability to produce small talk. Now the headphones go in.

15:59

The passenger in front of me has begun to watch Inception. Despite my not being able to hear the film, my eyes are continually drawn to the screen. Why does Leonardo DiCaprio always squint? What is Ellen Page so confused about? These are the real questions.

16:20

A strange illness has started to spread. Many of my fellow travelers exhibit symptoms such as contorted postures, open mouths, half closed eyes, and heavy breathing. Its lethality is not clear yet.

16:47

The bathroom does indeed smell of cinnamon.

17:03

The abyss of dark clouds above provides a bleak outlook. A storm is brewing. As the rain falls, our journey is halted to slower and slower speeds. I wonder if we ever will make it to New York.

17:24

I’ve completed listening to Maroon 5 – Songs About Jane and now feel more sexually frustrated than ever. By now there are only a few of us still immune to the foreign sickness; however, my previously alert eyes now droop.

17:27

I have invented a new game. It is called “counting the number of times the fellow in the red flannel shirt goes to the bathroom.” So far we have four.

17:59

I have realized that my rations were insufficient for this voyage. My hunger coupled with my sexual appetite have developed within me to an urge to devour my neighbor.

18:22

The passenger watching Inception earlier has moved onto The Wolf Of Wall Street in an apparent Leo marathon. I wish we could watch Shutter Island instead, but alas, it is his screen.

19:55

I’ve blacked out. During my stupor I’m sure I violated my neighbor’s personal space with the touch of my head (and perhaps some drool) on his shoulder. We’ve decided non-verbally to ignore the incident.

20:07

Our ETA is in half an hour. I might not have to resort to eating the people next to me.

20:37

The ETA was wrong. I remain entertained by the game of “Never Have I Ever” ensuing behind me. I’m not the only one that remains sexually dissatisfied, it seems.

20:55

A quick glance at iMaps proves that I could walk to Port Authority in the same amount of time it will take us to get there by bus. If it weren’t for my weakened and lethargic state, I would stage a mutiny.

21:11

With Port Authority in sight, I am reminded of the hope I set out with. The lights of New York are truly “new.” We have arrived and I, along with my companions, share a look of pride that not even a six-hour bus ride could take from us. I end this log with a strong feeling of faith. Now I just have to conquer the subway.

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