Elizabeth Purington – Editor
Elizabeth grew up on a dairy farm and developed a strong love of dairy products and an even stronger hatred of cows. She also has a short-complex despite being an average height human.
Monika Rajagopalan – Editor
Monika is from North Carolina, so she perpetually craves sweet tea and any food that’s mostly butter. She loves asking people their favorite movies but doesn’t do it often since she can’t pick one herself.
Daniella Balarezo – Editor
Daniella is from Texas, but she’s a Democrat! She swears! She misses Mexican cuisine more than her Mexican family. She loves coffee only with her oxygen, and quotes things/ makes puns only whenever she speaks.
Ali MacLeod – Video Editor
Ali’s list of debilitating fears includes tornadoes, tunnels, loneliness, semi-trucks, the crushing reality of her own mortality, and butterflies. She’s no closer to overcoming them than she is to learning differential calculus.
Annie Warner – Graphics Editor
Annie specializes in eating pastries, naming cacti and mispronouncing words that she swears she’s only ever seen written down…I mean who would just assume that “hegemony” was said like that?
Sarah Clapp – Managing Editor
Sarah is passionate about cookies, lip synching on ellipticals and her hypothetical collection of ABBA records. She is yet to live down the dance she choreographed to Boulevard of Broken Dreams as an elementary schooler, and doesn’t think she ever will.
Asha Franchi – Social Media Editor
Asha meticulously plans every minute of her day, but mainly spends it lying in bed wondering what she’s doing with her life. She convinces herself that she exercises by wearing athleisure while watching Netflix.
Hannah Pasternak – Staff Writer
Hannah is a very big fan of wearing overalls non-ironically and of throwing up the deuces, always. She is very frustrated that her memoirs from elementary school don’t count for shit because they coincided with her pathological lying phase, ugh.
Sarah Master – Staff Writer
Sarah is a recovering “scene kid” who’s still taking steps to shed her side bangs, heavy eyeliner, and legitimate interest in Panic! at the Disco. Fall Out Boy is still cool though, right?
Nicole Martinez – Staff Writer
Nicole hails from the swamplands of Florida. She enjoys mint-chocolate chip ice cream, suspects she is at least 1/6th Hobbit, and believes Monica and Chandler were a better couple than Ross and Rachel.
Sam Crausman – Staff Writer
Sam is an expert at high-fives and low-fives, but mid-fives are her trouble spot. She is fergalicious (you know the definition) and allergic to kiwis. Who likes hairy fruit anyway?
Leeron Lempel – Staff Writer
Leeron has no personal accomplishments of which to speak, so she piggybacks on the fact that her grandfather is partially responsible for the invention of the GIF. Seriously. Look it up. You’re welcome.
Allie Greenberg – Staff Writer
Allie is a self-proclaimed SNL enthusiast. She mentions skits and cast members as if she were one of them. She’s also Jewish, which she uses as her excuse for her unhealthy obsession with lox.
Abby Neuschatz – Staff Writer
Abby is from San Francisco—yes the city, not the suburbs (looking at you, Marin kids). She’s an avid cheese lover, an SVU fanatic, and she spent all of 4th grade strictly speaking in a Russian accent.
Suzanne Antoniou – Staff Writer
Suzanne has an overwhelming obsession with dairy products, coupled with debilitating lactose intolerance. She has used greentomboi97 as her username for everything since age 7, and may or may not still have a Neopets account.
Dana Schneider – Staff Writer
Dana eats what would probably be described by most health professionals as “excessive” amounts of assorted nut butters and has been compared to Meryl Streep exactly twice in her life.
Allie Arnold – Staff Writer
Allie is an ugly duckling recently turned sexy swan and the maniac behind the “physics textbook snapchats” of 2013. She’s also usually the friend that your parents think is a bad influence.
Caroline Zerilli – Staff Writer
Caroline’s childhood business was pulling her friends’ teeth in the school bathroom during recess, but she’ll deny it if anyone ever asks.
Katherine Oré-Girón – Staff Writer
Katherine’s main goal in life is to throw hands with a kangaroo. Although she might settle for fighting an abnormally large guinea pig that looks like a kangaroo.
Maddie Critz – Staff Writer
Just a gal with a song in her heart and cat hair on all her goddamn black clothes. Vegan except for fish because fuck fish. Quirky or purely unsettling, depending on your attitude.
Kristina DeGiovanni – Staff Writer (on leave)
Kristina is an aggressive Pennsylvanian and closeted 75-year-old who’s always kind of wanted to try prunes. Her first words were “push me,” not because she’s a masochist but because she was in a wagon.
Yuri Iwahara – Staff Writer (on leave)
Yuri was always the smallest kid in the class, which meant she got away with more than she should have. Now, it means she can get into the MoMA for free with a children’s ticket.
Kayla Kirk – Contributing Writer
Kayla is a 5’1.5” (the half inch counts) New Jerseyan with strong feelings about sprinkles (useless and a waste of space) and Crocs (burn them all). She wants to name her daughter Cardigan despite constant ridicule.