by Ali MacLeod
Wise sophomore seeks first-year mentee
Providence, RI area
Listen. At this point, I’ve been on this campus for a while. I know how Brown University works, all right, and you can too if you agree to my companionship. Wouldn’t you like to hear all about…
- The best combination of muffins and drinks to get exactly to a credit in the Blue Room
- The location of all the outlets in the Ratty
- How to get back up the hill when you’re really too lazy to walk. (Hint: Use your Brown ID to get free entrance to the RISD museum from the storefront at the bottom of the hill. Then, take the museum elevator up to the top floor. Exit at the top of the hill. Yes, I’ve done this. No, I’m not ashamed.)*
And, not to toot my own horn, but I feel like I know a decent amount about the world off of The Hill as well. I’ve got a lot of wisdom to share, and no one to share it with! I can tell you…
- The perfect combination of polite and firm to use in an angry email
- Whether that fit-and-flare dress looks good on you (Hint: Yes, it looks good on everybody)
- Whether those high-waist overalls look good on you (Hint: No, they look good on nobody)
- What a bird is
- And much more!
Future Mentee, you and I will have so much fun together! I really could use the friendship of a younger person. In high school, all of my friends were from the grade above or the grade below me, because I tend to be shunned by my most direct peers. I’ll never shun you, my new friend. We can wear matching outfits and gossip together and paint our nails (well, you can paint my nails. I’ve never learned how to do it). We’ll go out to eat all the time (but not to any seafood places because I can never figure out how to eat shellfish by myself). We’ll walk through the park (but you’ll have to go in front of me, to ward off butterflies and other terrifying insects). Maybe we’ll go to the VDub for #CFF! Wait, it’s 4:45. Does that mean it’s closed? Or open? Shit.
Confused sophomore seeks upperclassman mentor
Providence, RI area
Help me. I have no idea what I’m doing. Where is Metcalf? Are you allowed to sit on the statue on the Main Green, or do people just do it anyway? What do you call a cheeseburger from Jo’s? Is it a “burger with?” What? Help?
*Ed. Note: Ali, you’re a genius.
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