Now that I’m at college, my mother and I use texting (sometimes Facebook chat…. yes I know, she’s so hip) as our main source of communication. Just like any concerned mother, she wants to ensure I stay safe and make good choices as an independent girl who’s still dependent on her parents for her own well-being. She wants me to “live it up at college,” but not to the point that I that I “live up to regret it.” Her texts come as follows:
1.
My mother is just making sure I reach out to the nice, Jewish community. She wants me to be happy with a boy, whose last name preferably ends with –berg, -stein, or –man. Also, my mother is all about the food. She just wants to make sure I shmeared enough cream cheese on my sesame seed bagel.
2.
She wants to give me the full play-by-play of what’s happening in the Greenberg household. And she really wants me to not miss home. Why do I need to see this? A simple “watching Chopped with Sam and Marshall,” and a follow up of the weird ingredients chosen for the appetizer round would have been just fine.
3.
She’s testing me to see if college has changed me. I was prepared to put up a fight. I wrote down my argument in a Word Document. It wasn’t a test though. She really trusts me as a real grown-up. WOOHOO! But a cartilage piercing?! I mean, I thought it was kind of gutsy of me, right?
4.
Thank god she would be “so” bummed. If she were just bummed, I would be SO pissed.
5.
It’s nice to know that the newest rave drug is on the top of my mom’s mind on a Wednesday at 11:33pm. It makes me question what kind of person she thinks I am if I’m supposedly going to raves…. on a Wednesday. In case any of you were wondering, that night I was snuggled up in bed with my favorite teddy bear.
We’d be lost without our mothers. They are our number one fans. They give us compliments without incentives! And they give us their undying love, even if they haven’t told us lately). So, instead of rolling your eyes when your mother texts you making sure you don’t pick up a drink once you’ve put it down at a party, call her and say “I fucking love you mom! Thanks for being the best mom around!” Then, she’ll have to take you on a shopping spree once you come home for break.