One fateful Sunday night in October, Halloween-Eve-Eve-Eve-Eve, my most devoted friends and I ventured out into the eerie, fluorescent dorm lighting on a mission to spread Halloween cheer and shamelessly beg for candy (or anything else people would be willing to part ways with). Dressed in half-assed costumes (I’m a mouse, duh) and equipped with nothing but CVS plastic bags, we weren’t the most impressive trick-or-treaters, but we made up for our shameless mascara whiskers with our boundless enthusiasm for getting free stuff.
We walked into “Hotel Andrews” expecting big things, particularly “King-Size” candy bars. Each room has private sinks, after all. This is prime real estate, the home of the Pembroke elite. It took a couple of doors slammed in my face until I realized that Halloween is dead and Andrews Hall killed it. The palpable awkwardness and general lack of Halloween spirit was unexpected, and perhaps a spooky reminder of peoples’ ability to be despondent in the face of joy (and silly costumes).
Not everyone was a Halloween Grinch. In fact, some people were surprisingly prepared and enthusiastic. (I’m looking at you, fake-spider-webs-girl! At least I hope those were fake…) Anyway, thanks to everyone who put up with our early Halloween shenanigans and generously gave us treats! As for the rest of you cold-hearted bastards, you’re in luck: I’ll probably be too busy reveling in my loot to actually trick you guys.
Food Treats:
1. Cookies (3)
-Short bread from a box (1)
-Home-made (1)
-Oreo (1)
-Happy trick-or-treater (1)
2. Reeses (4)
-YES.
3. Dried banana chip (1; half eaten)
-So bourgeoise chic…
4. Protein powder (4 oz.)
-Snorting a couple lines of protein powder gave me the strength to persevere after being mocked and rejected at multiple doors.
School Supply Treats:
5. Pen (1; chewed)
-The bite marks add character!
6. Pencil lead (1 pack)
-Tears will get you the good stuff.
Classic Dorm Crap Treats:
7. Red solo cup (1; used)
-Sooo college, but, like, very practical and useful. If only there were a little something extra in there to keep me going…
8. Condom (1; not used)
-Thanks, Resident Peer Leader!
9. Ibuprofen (2 pills)
-I’m personally an Advil brand type of girl, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.
10. Individual floss (1)
-This was very helpful with dislodging the Reese’s aluminum foil wrapper from between my molars.
Miscellaneous Item Treats:
11. Insurance Card (1; politely declined)
-Honestly, wow.
12. Tissue (1; used)
-Rude.
13. Hello Kitty tattoo (1)
-Unfortunately, not permanent.
