DAAAAAAMN Daniel, You’re Way Too Young

I’ll admit it. I hopped right on the band wagon of the viral Internet sensation, “Damn Daniel.” I found the whole premise funny: strategically filming your friend and making the same comment every day and then compiling it into a montage. It’s good for a nice, one-time laugh.

But amidst the humor of the video, I found myself solely focused on the famous Vans model, Daniel. He is such a compelling subject. He comes off so bashful, slightly uncomfortable when first approached, but then he totally gets into the groove of showing off his trendy style.So when he was interviewed on Ellen, you can only imagine how excited I was to get another peek at this cutie. So then, when he said he was 14 and a freshman in high school, you can only imagine how disgusted I was with the fact that I found someone 6 years younger than me attractive. Then I thought it out for a minute. Okay, when he’s 38, I’ll be 44. That’s not that weird right? And then it hit me. When I was a senior in high school, he was in the 6th grade. Naturally at this thought, I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Why was my attraction to a younger man so revolting to me? Maybe it’s because he’s younger than my little brother? My brother has always wanted a younger brother, so maybe that would be nice for him. They could go to sports games together and do other boy stuff.  Oh gross, I don’t want to think of Daniel as a little brother — that’s too incest-y for me.

Or maybe it’s because I’m shocked that Daniel seriously passed as an 18 year old? I swear, kids these days are looking too old for their age. What happened to the awkward pubescent stage of braces and acne? Come on; tell me he doesn’t look 14! Maybe kids are looking older now to purposely trick me! And then they admit their real age to and I get caught with an infant! Great, now I sound straight up like a creeper. This is actually illegal. I am not into him. I repeat, I am NOT into him.

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(Okay, I know this photo is from Just Jared Jr., which states on its website that it is a “teen spin-off” of Just Jared, i.e., they’re trying to tell me I’m too old to be on this website.)

Or maybe it’s because I’m coming to terms with the fact that I might be a future cougar. This thought doesn’t revolt me as much as the other rationales I posed. People may find it questionable now, but they’ll all be jealous when they see me with Daniel in 10 years. I’m hoping he’s like a fine wine that gets better with age.

Images via and via.

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