It’s common knowledge that growing up is kind of the worst. It’s a world full of responsibility, stress, caffeine headaches, and “business casual” attire. Plus, you can no longer order from the kids’ menu or get into museums for free. And it’s not like you asked to get older, which makes letting go of your childhood and youthful joy even more difficult. You’ve probably resigned yourself to a life of growing older. Spoiler: that’s just how life works. But some days, getting old will probably make you feel gloomy, boring, and on the brink of a pre-midlife crisis. On days like this, turn to a brighter time in your life for inspiration: your childhood! There are endless ways to incorporate some childish behavior into your day, but here are some special tips from yours truly.
- Are your joints feeling stiff and achy? Tired of doing the same cliché forms of grown-up exercise (i.e. mall walking and water aerobics) day after day? Get inspired by the delights of another, more youthful exercise option: gym class! Pull on some ill-fitting shorts and prepare to humiliate yourself in front of some excessively competitive, sweaty, smelly, and angsty people! Gym class offers so many activities—from volleyball to chin-ups, there’s a miserable athletic endeavor for everyone! I highly recommend attempting to scale the impossibly large rope—a little rope-burn won’t hurt you—or rolling over your fingers with those annoying plastic scooters that were basically the coolest thing ever in elementary school P.E.
- Does trying to be a responsible adult who watches the news have you feeling down? Totally understandable. The news is always bad and stressful and should probably be avoided at all costs. Instead, settle down on the couch and turn on your favorite cartoons. But wait, there’s more! Young people have a bedtime, after all. Have a friend turn off the television in the middle of your fave episode and send you to bed. No ifs, ands, or buts!
- A logical follow-up to this rejuvenating experience is to throw a temper tantrum. Of course you are exhausted and haven’t slept for more than five hours all week, but just who does this person think they are, telling you to go to bed? Jump off the couch and run through the hallways screaming at the top of your lungs. Nudity is recommended–but not required–for an authentic, toddler-worthy scream fest. Once your voice gives out, switch to sobbing and clinging desperately to pieces of furniture as your friend tries to drag you to bed. Nothing says “childlike” quite like a messy tantrum!
- Does being an adult make you feel like you should eat a more balanced diet? Tired of salad, whole wheat bread, and quinoa? Mix things up by eating a meal as if you were a child again. By that I mean: eat a huge plate of your least favorite vegetable because that is what I made for dinner and you will eat every last bite or you will not get dessert. You can always try feeding it to the dog under the table, but I will see you do it.
- Growing up also means being independent and buying your own groceries. You can’t just eat takeout every night, after all. But do these trips to the grocery store fill you with dread? Add an element of excitement by making it just like the good old days. Grab that free, just-for-kids cookie at the bakery counter, and then waddle around in a panic trying to find whomever you came shopping with. Tug on a stranger’s pant leg while yelling “M-o-o-m? M-o-o-o-o-m?” to add authenticity. Feeling young yet? As an added bonus, spend a really long time in the candy aisle, but don’t buy anything. No sugar rushes or cavities for you!
- First comes old age, and then comes wrinkles—laugh lines, crow’s feet, and a permanently furrowed brow from years of scowling at illegible handwriting on the chalkboard. Also from taxes because you have to care about those now. If you’re worried about wrinkles, and want to maintain a youthful appearance, use this preschooler-approved skincare routine. All it requires are a few markers of various hues and a complete lack of coloring skills. Simply take the markers and scribble all over your face, being especially thorough on the forehead and cheek areas. Wrinkles will completely disappear beneath a layer of colorful swirls! For major definition, add a little highlighter: my go-to color is yellow, but neon pink is also quite flattering.
Next time you’re feeling sad about getting older, give some of these tips a try. Maybe you’ll have fun, but, more likely, it might remind you that being a kid had its dark moments, too. Think of all the broccoli you had to eat. The laps you had to run in gym class. The frustration of losing every argument just because you were little. While you might have a lot of responsibilities as an adult, you also have much more freedom now. “You do you,” as the cool kids would say. Plus, before you know it, you’ll qualify for senior discounts! And if that doesn’t make you more excited about growing old, then I don’t know what will.
