Spring break is just around the corner folks! I hope you’ve all figured out your plans! If not, I’ve crafted this handy choose your own spring break adventure guide. Explore at will.
It’s FINALLY spring break! You close your laptop and summersault out of the lecture hall. You breathe in the fresh, spring air. Your best friend runs into you and says she found some last minute plane tickets to Spain! The flight leaves in an hour and you really want to go, but your mom already bought you a ticket back home, and you still haven’t packed. Do you be spontaneous or care about your parents’ hard earned money?
BE SPONTANEOUS: Move to Option 1
CARE ABOUT YOUR PARENTS’ HARD EARNED MONEY: Move to Option 2
Option 1: Fuck your parents! You finally did something spontaneous in your life! You and your friend hop on a plane out of the Logan airport. You’re in first class because you deserve it. Suddenly, who sits next to you but Beyonce!
Do you ask her for a selfie or pull out a beautiful letter you wrote to her but never sent that explains how inspirational she is and read it to her?
TAKE A SELFIE: OPTION 3
READ YOUR LETTER: OPTION 4
Option 2: You reluctantly turn down your best friend and go to back your bags. You think maybe playing something in the background would make you feel better.
Do you put on Chopped or The Great British Bake-Off?
CHOPPED: OPTION 5
THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF: OPTION 6
Option 3: You ask her for a selfie and, she says yes! You two take a photo and it’s the most beautiful photo in the world. Literal light from heaven shines from the photo. Nothing will ever compare to this photo. Europe who? You get off the plane and go back to campus. You spend your spring break in your dorm room, staring at the photo. You have achieved Nirvana. END
Option 4: You pull out your letter with shaking hands and begin reading it to Beyonce. Two words in, and you’re already bawling. It’s pretty gross to watch. She switches seats. Oh well. At least you’re going to Europe!
Do you watch an in flight movie or take a sleeping and pill and knock out until you get to Barcelona?
WATCH AN IN FLIGHT MOVIE: Option 7
KNOCK OUT UNTIL YOU ARRIVE IN BARCELONA: Option 8
Option 5: You got so heated and into the episode that you miss your flight! Oh no! Your parents call to tell you they are very disappointed in you. You order a large cheese pizza to your room and decide to stay there for the rest of break. END
Option 6: Ah, there’s nothing more calming than packing to the soothing tunes of the Great British Bake Off music in the background. You’re all packed and ready to go!
Do you take a taxi or an Uber to the airport?
TAXI: OPTION 9
UBER: OPTION 10
Option 7: They’re playing La La Land, so naturally, you watch it five times. Only minor regrets. Go to OPTION 8
Option 8: The plane lands smoothly and you and your best friend emerge out into Barcelona. The city is beautiful! There’s so much to do! Where to start?
Do you go to dinner or visit the Basilica of the Sagrada Familia?
GO TO THE BASILICA: OPTION 11
GO TO DINNER: OPTION 12
Option 9: HAHAHAH. Taxis. Sure. Go to OPTION 10
Option 10: You make it to TF Green on time, get on your plane, and your parents pick you up at a reasonable time! They tell you that you have a doctor’s appointment to get to, then your grandmother is coming over to mend some of your clothes–also, did you file your taxes yet? You’ll have sit down with them to fill out the FAFSA because they keep forgetting your password.
As they drone on and on, you slink down in your seat, staring out the window, letting the hum of the car lull you to sleep. END
Option 11: The Basilica is the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen. The architecture, the sensation of being under those marvelous ceilings. You are a new person. You are…who you were always meant to be. END
Option 12: The dinner is a delicious serving of paella! The flavors are so much better than whatever box of it your family’s been buying at Costco. Suddenly, a handsome Spanish man sitting at the table turns to you and tells you he’s an agent and he wants to make you a star! You say yes, there’s literally no other option. You drop out of Brown and text your parents that you’re never coming home again. It’s your time to shine. END
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