I don’t know about you, but I had a pretty good summer. So good, in fact, that the semester’s about to end, and I’m still incapable of shutting up about how good it was. Math people will notice that May 21, 2016, aka the day I left campus, aka the time I had the best night of my life (Did I mention I got into an SNL afterparty? No? Well, lemme tell ya bout the time I………) was over six months ago. So why am I still talking about this?
Two reasons.
- Because I can. Guys, exciting things literally never happen to me. Up until this summer, the most thrilling moment of my life was the time I finally managed to quit my nightmare nannying job. I used to meet with my friends back home every Saturday and they’d talk about boys and jobs and vacations and plans with other friends, and I’d tell them about a really great joke Craig Ferguson told earlier that week. FINALLY, finally, finally, I have some cool things to share, so you’d better believe I’m gonna milk them for all they’re worth. And even once that milk goes bad, I’m still gonna keep shoving it under your noses.
- Because I’m scared. Guys, I think I peaked this summer. At a measly 21, with 56 years still left on the horizon, I think I hit the climax of my life, and everything from here on out is just going to be a disappointing downward trend til I finally flatline. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Man, I wish we had more details on Lorde’s upcoming long-anticipated second studio album.” And to that I say, “I completely agree!” But you’re probably also thinking that there’s no way I could have peaked already, and that it’s only natural that my school life is maybe a little more low-key than my living the dream in the Big Apple life, and that I should stop being such a drama queen. This is also true, but. So many unlikely things came together for me this summer. I lived in an apartment with random internet strangers who turned out to be the best roommates I could have asked for. I had a job that I liked in an office with people I loved and the greatest boss who’s ever bossed. I got to meet a bunch of comedy writes I admire and even have coffee/lunch with a couple of them. Things came together so well for me, and I don’t know that that’s ever going to happen again. I want to hold onto it for as long as I can.
But I’ve come to terms with the reality of my situation. I know people have been tired of hearing me blather on about this since our second week back at school. I know what once may have seemed impressive is now beginning to look more and more pathetic with each additional mention. In my first post after summer vacation, I famously (shut up) said, “Goodbye summer of 2016.” But that was a lie. I held on to that motherfucker til my knuckles turned white, and then I kept holding on til they fully fell off my hands. So now I’ll say it for real. Goodbye summer of 2016. You will be missed.
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No, you know what? Never mind. This is a free country (for now), and if I want to talk about my really good summer that I had, I should be allowed to do so as much as I please. Y’all know that deep down, you also have something you’re dying to talk about but don’t, for fear of annoying people around you. I call bullshit. You wanna talk someone’s ear off about that obscure show you’re obsessed with? You want to gush about your globetrotting adventures? Have a pressing need to rant about how much you hate it when other people get in the elevator with you? Come find me. Come talk to me. I want to absorb it all.
But only if you’re willing to listen to me talk about my summer some more. Cause it was pretty good, in case you haven’t heard.
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