Ah, Mother’s Day. What better time than an internationally recognized holiday is there to show my mom how much I love her? Unfortunately, my mom doesn’t see it the same way. She absolutely hates Mother’s Day, and not in that polite “Oh, you don’t have to get me anything” way. Her lack of enthusiasm in the holiday usually reduces me to buying some crappy gift she has no use for, like a Daryl Dixon bobblehead. This year, I decided to do something a little different. Instead of buying her a gift, I interviewed my mom to find out why she refuses to let me acknowledge the fact that I love her a whole lot.
Sam: Alright, Mom, why don’t you want me to get you anything for Mother’s Day?
Mom: It’s a stupid, made up, Hallmark holiday.
S: Oh, c’mon. Don’t be all smart with one-liners. Pretend it’s not an interview.
M: Fine, fine. I want a sustainable gift. I want food. Like a barbecue. Or a cake. But not at a restaurant. I don’t want to go out to eat. We spend hundreds of dollars on food because the Grandmas want to go out to eat. Put that in there!
S: Mom, I am putting it in there.
M: What else do you want out of my mouth?
S: Mom, I’m typing.
M: Don’t make up stuff that I didn’t say.
S: I’m not.
M: You’re supposed to be interviewing me. You’re not doing a very good job.
S: I just wrote that down.
M: Good. [pause] When did Mother’s Day become a thing, like a day that we have to honor our mothers? Aren’t we supposed to honor our mothers anyway? Maybe it’s for people that don’t see their mothers very often. It’s like people who go to Church once a year on Easter. Haha. That’s funny. I’m funny. I’m funnier than you. Haha! Put that in there.
S: Mom, I’m typing.
M: Why do you feel compelled to buy me a gift anyway? Are you feeling pressured into it by society?
S: What is this, Degrassi?
M: You’re the one who brought this up.
S: I want to get you a gift because–
M: You did. You bought me a new quilt for my bed.
S: Mom, you bought that for yourself with your own money.
M: No I didn’t.
S: Yes, you did.
M: [walking away] The guacamole’s all done, I’m gonna stick it in the refrigerator, okay?
S: Did you just walk away from my interview?
—
There you have it, folks: an interview cut short by a mother who prefers to deflect emotional situations by distracting her daughter with delicious guacamole. Mom, even though you’d rather I not do anything special on Mother’s Day, just know that I think you’re the coolest lady around and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Oh, and Mom, don’t forget to ‘like’ and ‘share’ this article on Facebook! Your friends are my biggest fans.
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