Gilmore Girls Reviews From Someone Who’s Never Watched Gilmore Girls

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Introduction: Everyone really likes Gilmore Girls, but I was too busy spending my childhood eating Dunkaroos and watching Spongebob to care about real people doing real things on real television. Shortly after its arrival to Netflix a few weeks ago, praise for the show erupted once more, causing me to grow concerned that my womanhood was somehow impaired due to never watching it. Though I’m too busy catching up with Mad Men to indulge in Gilmore Girls, I wanted to pay my respects to the classic show somehow.

Methods:

1. Skim the frighteningly hyperbolic Yahoo! TV article “10 ‘Gilmore Girls’ Episodes that Will Make You Want to Binge-Watch All 7 Seasons of Netflix.”

2. Doubt that claim.

3. Read IMDB descriptions for each episode listed.

4. Use context clues in an attempt to review key episodes of this apparently iconic show.

“Those Are Strings, Pinocchio” – Season 3, Episode 22

Rory graduates from Chilton, and the girls look forward to traveling in Europe, Yale, and opening the new inn.

The third season’s emotional roller coaster comes to a grinding halt as the gal pals fight with the Yale administration in an attempt to open a bed and breakfast inside one of the dorms. After little budge from the faculty and staff, the girls hide aboard cargo ship across the Atlantic to begin their dormitory hotel empire on another continent.

“Written in the Stars” – Season 5, Episode 3

Luke and Lorelai enjoy their first official date where Luke tells her he’s all in for their relationship. Their new relationship is the basis for the next town hall meeting. Paris has a wake for the passing of her boyfriend and Rory meets a new guy.

Surprise — Luke and Lorelai’s first official date was actually at the town hall meeting! Classic Lorelai. Also, I refuse to believe anyone dies on Gilmore Girls, so I’m guessing Paris is mourning her boyfriend passing his bar exam and moving to Hollywood to practice entertainment law.

“Dear Emily and Richard” – Season 3, Episode 13

When Sherry goes into labor and asks Rory to be with her at the hospital, Lorelai is reminded of the day Rory was born. Flashbacks tell the story of 16-year-old Lorelai as she learns she is pregnant, decides not to marry Christopher, and ultimately leaves home with her new baby.

Ah, the flashback episode — and a somber one, at that. What was neglected from the synopsis is Lorelai’s establishment of a newspaper advice column under pen names “Emily and Richard,” where she pretends to be a married couple arguing about the proper advice to give their readers.

“Help Wanted” – Season 2, Episode 20

Lorelai helps her dad open his new office and gets the cold shoulder when she tells him she has a job already. Rory tries to let everyone know Jess wasn’t the only one at fault for the accident and with a new music store in town, Lane discovers her new love.

By cold shoulder, you mean change in body temperature from Lorelai improperly installing the thermostat in her father’s office. Classic Lorelai, at it again! I don’t really want to talk about the accident, but at least Lane’s having a good day.

“The Deer Hunters” – Season 1, Episode 4

Rory misses an English test, which she has studied especially hard for. Lorelai yells at headmaster Charleston to get Rory a make-up test.

This unforgettable episode is the culmination of a story arc that began in the pilot and featured Rory studying a different part of speech each subsequent episode. The actress that plays Lorelai received an Emmy nomination for her now famous speech on the importance of independent clauses.

“A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving” – Season 3, Episode 9

Rory and Lorelai work to fit in four thanksgiving dinners but they don’t eat much at the family dinner when Lorelai finds out Rory applied at more colleges then just Harvard. Lane has her first kiss and human Kirk and cat Kirk have a little adjusting to do.

Season three’s Thanksgiving episode was groundbreaking both in its audacity to show human-cat hybrids at the dinner table and for being the first television show to name a college other than Harvard on American airwaves. And I’m happy that things are still going well for Lane.

“The Bracebridge Dinner” – Season 2, Episode 10

While Rory struggles to keep the budding rivalry between Dean and Jess under control, Lorelai invites most of the citizens of Stars Hollow to an elaborate feast complete with Elizabethan costumes and horse-drawn sleigh rides, during which Richard announces to Emily that he has retired.

Textbook Lorelai right here.

“We’ve Got Magic to Do” – Season 6, Episode 5

Rory’s World War II-themed DAR bash is a piperoo (even when suddenly impoverished Paris joins the proletariat as a server). But the bash goes smash when Richard confronts Mitchum Huntzberger.

I have no idea what any of this means.

“Friday Night’s Alright for Fighting” – Season 6, Episode 13

Lorelai and Rory go to the Gilmore mansion for Friday night dinner, and there is a fight. Luke is still getting to know April.

Lorelai and Rory are jealous that Luke and April got front-row tickets to the Gilmore mansion Boxing Tournament — and given that shocker of a final round, I’d be envious, too.

“That’ll Do, Pig” – Season 3, Episode 10

It’s Richards’s birthday and his mother arrives from Europe to help celebrate and announce she’s moving back to the states, but not everybody is happy about the news. Rory has her hands full at school with Francie and her and Dean decide to be friends, which has Jess a little insecure.

In another television first, Gilmore Girls writers traveled into the future, read Tina Fey’s screenplay for Mean Girls, and tried to adapt it for their show. The episode received mixed to negative reviews, discouraging future-script-stealing for years to come.

Discussion: People’s lives were actually shaped by this show?

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