Milla Bizzotto, Making Millennials Everywhere Feel Terrible About Themselves

Milla Star Bizzotto is a superhuman child who, at 9 years old, is fitter than I have ever been in my 20 years of life (and will ever be). This afternoon, two of my friends – a swimmer and a squash player, no less – lay on the rug and cried as they watched a video of this nine-year-old girl whose athletic capabilities outshine anything they’ve ever seen.

Milla has apparently just completed a 24-hour racecourse designed by Navy SEALs.

Yup, Navy SEALs. As in 6-foot bulked-up men who train for years and can navigate life-threatening situations without blinking an eye.

In case that doesn’t impress you, let me outline what exactly this racecourse entails: running 36 miles, swimming an 8 kilometer course, and 25 obstacles – all of these 6 times. Over the course of 24 hours.

How is this humanly possible, you ask? I don’t know. Could I do this course if I had a month? Have I even run 36 miles over the course of my entire lifetime? Probably not, if I’m being perfectly honest.

Meanwhile, I was sitting in my bed and eating the double chocolate muffin I’d gotten at the Blue Room the day before (it was an add-on to the Oreo cheesecake slice so that I could use up a credit, obviously). Hmmmm, I mused to myself. I’m feeling inspired to do a 7 minute workout. What’s a 7-minute workout? It’s the app that I relied on exclusively for my exercise regimen up until last year. It is literally a workout that lasts for exactly 7 minutes, including rests.

This girl is 4 feet and 53 pounds of pure gym rat muscle. Apparently, she’s in the gym Monday through Friday for at least 3 hours each day. When I was in third grade, I had maybe one thousandth of that will and determination. My mother laid out my outfits for me every morning, and it was still a struggle for me to get ready by myself. I had to be dragged out the door to go to school. This was all despite the fact that I absolutely loved school in third grade.

So Milla, I’m impressed. I have no idea how you do it. Maybe you’re part celestial being, part cyborg? A supernatural sense of willpower? Whatever it is, though, keep doing it. As much as it frightens me to think about, I’ll be excited to see what you’ll be up to by the time you’re my age.

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