Author Archives for Gabbie Corvese

Some Thoughts On That Article About Chipotle Calories


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The New York Times recently published an article detailing the significant amount of calories many of us inadvertently consume when eating at the only fast food restaurant that matters, Chipotle. Read it at your own risk. In the meantime, I am going to unpack my reactions to this sharp journalistic... Read More


I Hate How Much I Love Starbucks’ Holiday Cups


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Ten months out of twelve, you’ll find me getting my caffeine fix at independent coffee joints — you know, the ones named after animals or negative emotions with approximately three wooden chairs and a poorly lit wall cubby for seating. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those, dare... Read More


Everyone Still Plays Neopets (They’re Lying Otherwise)


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Remember last week when your friend reminisced on the nostalgic splendor of Neopets? “Oh man, I was on Neopets nonstop back in elementary school. Good times.” Face it: Your friend is hopelessly deceiving you. Those good times are not times of the past — they are the glorious present. Everyone still... Read More


Revisiting 2000s Angsty Song Lyrics


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Blink-182 – “I Miss You” We can live like Jack and Sally if you want Where you can always find me And we’ll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night we’ll wish this never ends We’ll wish this never ends If you want tacky costumes and fun-size candy bars,... Read More


An Open Letter From The Neglected Apple


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Dear Pumpkin-Praising Public, You betrayed me. I once sat on the throne of spiced autumnal confections, and now it seems I have been relegated to nothing more than a side to your broccoli and cheddar soup at Panera. And what have I been replaced with? Some pumpkin mush, cinnamon and... Read More


What Women Want: More Accurate Jeopardy! Answers


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This past Monday, beloved dinnertime game show Jeopardy! included a category entitled “What Women Want.” Rather than address legitimate necessities, however, it emphasized our fragile female needs for vacuum cleaners, the New York Times crossword puzzle, and Sleepytime tea. I’ll take “Not So Subtle Sexism” for $200, Alex. Instead of... Read More