Author Archives for Allie Arnold

I Hate Kids


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The thing that freaks me out about kids is that they’re pretty transparent. You can tell if they are lying and you can tell if they just want attention and you can tell if they are going to grow up to be a huge ass.  And then there are some... Read More


It Came to Me in a Dream


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Have you ever had those dreams where all of your teeth fall out? Where you’re flying? Being chased by something? Have you ever had those dreams where you’re pregnant, or as I like to call them, nightmares? Have you ever had dreams where all of the narration and dialogue has... Read More


The Least Favorite Color


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The results are in! Turns out yellow is the statistical least favorite color. To clarify, it’s not America’s “least favorite” color (that’s usually brown or orange), it’s the favorite color that the least people have; the color that arouses the least enthusiasm. It’s the Jeb Bush of colors. This is backed up... Read More


Will You Go Bald?


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It’s the million dollar or $39.99 box of rogaine question that’s on everyone’s mind. Will you go bald? The answer to that question lies in another question: Can you grow a beard? To clarify we’re not talking the purposeful kind of bald where you decide to throw in the towel... Read More


The Founding Daddies


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Lying, cheating, and presidential sex: it’s never just been for Bill “Slick Willy” Clinton and Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon. The following is an analysis of Richard B. Morris‘s seven founding fathers–the dirty white boys of the old White House–and their sexual congress.