Author Archives for Hannah Dylan Pasternak

A Very Very Very Fine House


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The only thing better than being a grownup is pretending to be a grownup. Actually, that is a lie. There are a lot of things better than being a grownup, like a great pair of jeans, a whole milk latte, and getting the last word in a kickass argument. Also,... Read More


Barking Up the Wrong Tree


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  I spent a greater portion of the last year wanting a boyfriend. I have been working on a long term writing project which causes me to spend most of my day thinking about love and relationships. Then I would go out at night, donning my best mom jeans and... Read More


Baby Mama


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  This is an actual excerpt transcribed verbatim from my 4th grade diary, dated January 13, 2004: My babysitter Andren is having a baby. It will be a sweet baby girl. I am happy that it is a girl because then I can finally get a “sister.” All day I... Read More


Boys Don’t Understand My Clothes


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There is one conflict in hookup culture not-so-well addressed: the conflation of high fashion and the boys who attempt to quite literally see what lies beneath it. As a recently indicted college senior, I’ve seen my fair share of females who dress in ways that attract the people they seek to... Read More


My Momager and Me


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(co-authored by Stephanie Sauer Pasternak, Brown Class of 1987) (please enjoy my attempt at photoshopping my head onto Kim Kardashian’s body, thereby giving myself a “five-head,” above) Hannah speaking. I have always been incompetent, yet the word wasn’t always used to describe me because I wasn’t expected to know how to do... Read More


Shopping, Period


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Mom? Hi? You there? Yeah. It’s me. I’m fine. Kind of. Yes. I just… I’m in the middle of my first period. No, it wasn’t that much of a bloody mess. No, not as much as I thought it would be. So… yeah… it’s difficult to, uh, physically maneuver and,... Read More


Security Blankets


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I’ve been in two long distance relationships. I’d like to say that this is sheer coincidence and not a product of my intimacy issues, but that’s not important to the story and, truthfully, we’ll never really know. So the whole thing about long distance relationships, and pretty much any relationship,... Read More


A Case for Breakfast


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For the first quarter of your life, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense when “scientists” and “leading researchers” and “your mom” tell you that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That’s because it’s hard for us to understand how a bowl of Lucky Charms could... Read More