Author Archives for Elizabeth Cox

Snow, Or Not


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Due to recent weather conditions, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around, reflecting on stuff. One thing in particular has been on my mind–my failed relationship with snow. Our love was promising, but it couldn’t last. I’ll start from the beginning. Winter 1998-1999 I am in kindergarten. This is my... Read More


Pressing Questions


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As an “adult,” I spend my time wondering about really important stuff. Here are some of my most pressing questions: 1. What goes on in my fridge when it’s closed? Several great works of literature have addressed this topic, not least of them Eggbert: The Slightly Cracked Egg, which was... Read More


Do Us All a Favor and Let It Go


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No, I’m really not. This post has been brewing for a long time, but today, when I woke up to “Let it Go” blaring out of speakers unknown (in my house? on the street? from a cruel poltergeist in my imagination?), I knew the time had finally come. To everyone... Read More


Expensive Ice Cubes for your Overpriced Drink!


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Earlier this week, I stumbled across an NPR article bearing the horrifying title “Can Hand-Cut, Artisanal Ice Make Your Cocktail That Much Better?” I had to double-check to make sure I wasn’t on The Onion website. The article reads: “‘If you’re gonna get a drink that’s $15, it better have the... Read More


Thanks for the non-compliment!


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One of the most frequent compliments I receive is not actually a compliment at all.  I get it in floods during my first few weeks in a new environment (middle school, high school, college, study abroad, etc.) and in a trickle at other times, but it never fully dies out:... Read More


Brewing is the New Baking


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It’s fall, and everyone wants to bake stuff. I can’t complain about the constant stream of cookies and pies, but I also think there’s something else everyone should be doing in the kitchen (spoiler: it’s not sex on the counter). Brewing beer is just as easy as baking brownies.  In... Read More


Stealing Stuff


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Everyone steals stuff. Stealing has an unwarranted negative stigma these days, largely because people conflate “stealing” with “shoplifting.”  In reality, forms of stealing that do not involve taking things from stores (more specifically, things that are for sale) are far more common than shoplifting. To help unpack stealing’s undeserved stigma,... Read More


Interpreting Font Names


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In every student’s life, there comes a time when she realizes Arial or Times New Roman just won’t cut it. This moment is a marker on the long road to growing up, not unlike the moment when you realize a used plastic water bottle is not always the most appropriate vessel... Read More


The Detachable Penis


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After an endless week, I had finally made it to the weekend.  I staggered to my room, collapsed into a chair, and dumped the contents of my bag onto the floor. There, amidst my notebooks and gum wrappers, was my boyfriend’s penis. Ugh. I had forgotten I’d agreed to take... Read More


Thinking About Sex on the Treadmill


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I do almost all of my thinking while running.  Sometimes I brood, and sometimes I think deep thoughts. But if we’re being honest, I spend 95% of the time daydreaming about sex. This habit is fine on my outdoor runs. No one can read my mind–either no one’s around or... Read More